


A Small, Little Chance

by earlgreymanatee



Category: Freaks and Geeks
Genre: Bisexuality, F/M, Homophobic Language, Intersex, Questioning, Sexuality Crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-03
Updated: 2016-10-03
Packaged: 2018-08-19 07:14:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8195528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earlgreymanatee/pseuds/earlgreymanatee
Summary: “I think I get it now,” she said, nodding, “Why you freaked out so bad. It wasn’t that you thought dating me made you gay. It was because you thought it confirmed something about yourself that you were already worried about. That you might be gay, or at least, not totally normal.”
Ken and Amy have a conversation in the wake of Ken accepting Amy being intersex. They learn more about each other and grow closer for it.





	

They had spent the evening like they spent a lot of Friday evenings together: they watched a movie, then went to Amy’s room alternated between and making out on her bed and talking while they cuddled.

It had been two weeks since she had told him about she was born with, you know, both parts and he had freaked out and been a total dick to her. They hadn’t talked about it since he had apologized in the hallway, and then gotten detention for cheering loudly while the band played “Hail to the Chief.”

They had been cuddling and talking about music and their favorite bands. For a band geek, Amy actually surprisingly good taste in music. 

“You know, it’s funny, when, uh, you told me that thing a couple weeks ago, I actually went out and bought like, some disco music,” he said, laughing a little.

Amy didn’t laugh. She frowned and turned her face up at him against his chest, “Wait, why?”

“Oh well just, when you told me and I had my little freak out about it, part of why I freaked out was because I thought I might be gay. Which is crazy! And I thought that like, I should see if I was. So I bought some like, music that gay people like.”

She propped herself up so that she could see full his face, which is what she did when they had a serious conversation while cuddling. Shit, was this a serious conversation now?

“Ken, what music you like isn’t what makes you gay. Gay people can like all kinds of music.”

“Nah, I know that, but I was just, you know, testing to see if I maybe was. Like, if I did like it, that would be evidence that I was. But I didn’t like it and it doesn’t matter anyway. It’s fine, I’m not gay.”

“That doesn’t seem like a very good test,” she said seriously, knitting her eyebrows. He was beginning to regret bringing this up to her. She didn’t seem to get that it was funny now that he had even thought he was gay.

“Well, I mean, that wasn’t the only thing I did,” he said, trying to avoid her eye contact.

“What else did you do?,” she said, looking at him with genuine curiosity and interest. God, why did she have to care about him so much, and like, take interest in his life? 

“Uh, well, I went and talked to Mr. Rosso and that was...no help. Obviously. And also I uh, looked at some porno mags. Like, a gay one and a, uh, normal one.”

“Looked at?” she said, skeptically, cocking her head.

“Fine...if you want me to be crude. I, uh, beat off to them. Happy?”

“Both of them?” she asked. He wanted to end this line of questioning but she didn’t have a hint of judgement or discomfort in her voice, like there had been with Daniel and Nick when he had told them about Amy’s past.

“Well, I gave them both a good try, so yes, I guess both of them. But it was definitely easier with the normal one.”

“Uh-huh,” she said slowly, “But...you did beat off to both of them. Including the gay one.”

“You know, I feel like you are trying to prove something,” he said, starting to get defensive.

She was sitting up next to him now, looking straight at him. “I’m not trying to prove anything. Like I said before, I just think that it’s important that we tell each other everything.”

“Are you suggesting that you think I am gay? ‘Cause, like you said, you are all girl now. You are a girl and I really like you, so I’m not gay.” He thought she would be relieved he had stopped having a crisis about being gay. Like, by not being gay he was agreeing with her that she was a girl, like she had said. 

“I know you like me, Ken. But I mean, besides me. Did you ever think you might be gay before I told you about being born with both parts?”

“Sure, I mean, doesn’t everybody worry about that sometimes? But you know me: I like metal music and smoking and girls! I don’t like any faggot stuff.”

“But….you admit, you’ve thought about it before. About guys.”

“Yeah, but clearly it was nothing since I like girls. I mean, you specifically, but girls in general.”

“You can have a girlfriend and still like guys,” she said, refusing to drop it. This level of serious earnestness always made him uncomfortable. He barely talked to his parents, and while he was best friends with Nick and Daniel, they rarely had serious conversations with each other.

“Pssh, I can’t like both. I’m not some married businessman who gets caught by the cops sucking another guy off in a public bathroom.”

“Sure you can. What about David Bowie?”

“Ok fine, David Bowie, but I’m not David Bowie, alright. I’m just...a regular guy. And like any regular guy, I’ve...wondered. Or worried, or whatever.”

“I think I get it now,” she said, nodding, “Why you freaked out so bad. It wasn’t that you thought dating me made you gay. It was because you thought it confirmed something about yourself that you were already worried about. That you might be gay, or at least, not totally normal.”

“Whatever Amy, you are my girlfriend now, so whether or not I might maybe also...be attracted to men, which I’m not...or whatever, doesn’t matter.” He wanted to evaporate he was so uncomfortable. He hadn’t known what to think when Amy told him about her..condition two weeks ago, but that was about her, not him. He had thought maybe he would break up with her, so that he wouldn’t have to think about how he might be gay anymore. But this was about him.

“I think it does matter, Ken. I could have not told you about how I had both parts when I was born. I could have decided it didn’t matter. But I told you because it was and is an important part of who I am. And if you are also into guys, whether or not I’m your girlfriend, it’s a part of who you are.”

Ken didn’t say anything. What she was saying made sense. It’s not like he’d thrown the gay porno mag away; it was still under his mattress, along with the rest of his porno mags. For further consideration, of course. But maybe if was actually fully normal he would not have to think about this much. He’d never had a crush on a specific guy like he had with girls. Did most people just know? He had always figured everybody worried about it occasionally, at least. 

“Ok…..maybe. But you can’t tell anyone. For real, not like me, when I freaked out and told Nick and Daniel. You have to, like, be a better person than me.”

Amy smiled and leaned over and kissed him.

“Psh, easy. So, have you ever kissed a guy?” she asked, eagerly.

“What? No! If I had, I would definitely be gay. Or like, I would know for sure then, right? Who would I have even kissed; I have like, two friends, and, well for one, neither of them are gay, and also, just...no thanks.”

She giggled, “I was just curious. And anyway, it’s not like it’s a big deal,” she said coyly, “I made out with a girl at band camp when I was fifteen.”

“Whoa, what? Man, that’s crazy hot. Tell me everything. I swear, people underestimate how wild you band geeks are.” He had definitely fantasized about girls doing that sort of thing, to but never expected for his girlfriend to have done something unbelievably hot.

“Oh, I’m sorry, you aren’t worried that I’m a full-blown lesbian now? Because I made out with a girl?”

“Nah, it’s like, different for girls. I always assumed you get up to all kinds of sexy mischief at your summer camps and slumber parties and whatnot. That’s what I’ve heard anyway.”

“Did you hear that from your porno mags?” she said sarcastically.

He smiled and knew then that she wasn’t upset at him. They always teased each other when they were flirting.

“Oh no, don’t try and avoid my questions, I wanna hear the dirty details. What was her name? How did it happen?”

She rolled her eyes. “Shannon Reynolds. We were the only two girls playing tuba that summer. In an empty cabin. We had snuck there so I could paint her nails, because her parents didn’t let her at home. Then we made out. Is that enough detail for you?”

“Well goddamn,” Ken whispered. He imagined her full lips moving against the soft lips of another girl, her hands reaching forward to touch her shoulder’s, Shannon (whatever she looked like) holding her hands up, the nail polish still drying.

“So, do you want to make-out now, or are you just going to stare at me again until I say something?” she teased. 

He leaned forward and grabbed her. He had already known how much he liked her, maybe even loved her, but he felt stronger about it every day. With every movie they laughed at together, every conversation, every secret shared, he knew with her was where he belonged. 

Maybe it was fate that they were both, like, a little gay, or whatever.

**Author's Note:**

> These characters are not the most well developed on the show, so I hope their characterization here isn't too weird. This episode was kind of messy, but also sweet, and I loved both of them, and their relationship.


End file.
